Baby Steps

 It takes time to teach a baby to walk. You don't just stand them up and let go, expecting them to walk a mile. Rarely will you get one step like that. You hold their hand, build their courage and confidence. Teach them that they can succeed by trying and not giving up.

The learning process begins long before they are ready to walk. When they discover that they can grab hold of the top of their playpen or crib, and pull themselves to a standing position. Then movement.  They may start by side stepping along the side of the couch. Soon they're brave enough to let go, if only for a second, to test out these new things called feet. It doesn't take long for them to grab a hold of that stable life line, the couch. But it also doesn't take long for them to realize that they want the toy that mom just moved from the couch to the chair. The chair is right there beside the couch, so they can just move one shaky hand to the chair to take that leap of faith, that step. Not long after, their courage is beginning to build. They don't realize that mom moved that chair over a couple of inches. They don't realize that it is no longer arm-span distance between the couch and chair. They just turn from the couch, let go and take that first step. Soon, mom has moved the chair 2 or 3 steps away from the couch. That's when baby starts to realize that they are mobile. They can go anywhere they want to, and these really cool legs and feet will take them there.

This is how my oldest started walking. We didn't have to "teach" him. He taught himself. He has always been resistant to anyone teaching him anything. Even now at almost 16, he wants to learn on his own. He wants to experiment and learn via trial and error. This is both a blessing and a curse, but it is who he is, and I love him for it.  I guess he kind of comes by it honestly. I'm not one who really likes to be taught. I too like to find my own way of doing things.

So, where am I on the journey? Why did I tell you all of this before I got to the main topic of discussion? Well, I'm still setting on my butt in the playpen. I'm looking at the top bar. I've reached for it a time or two. I have even pulled myself to a standing position. But I let go too soon. I can stand while I'm holding on, but I fall to my hiney as soon as I let go.

I guess that's not true for the whole journey. I've cut my smoking by about a quarter. In fact, yesterday I was less than that. While I have been smoking a full pack (20 cigarettes) a day for about 17 years, I smoked about 1/2 a pack yesterday. I moved the chair over a couple of inches. Maybe after a week or so I can move the chair a bit more.

Eating has been a bit of a different story. I have been eating like a pig since I decided to move to a more healthy way of eating. Not really junk food. Sure I've had some, but I'm afraid to completely cut myself off. I'll fail miserably if I do. I've just been eating more (in quantity) of the healthy stuff and less of the junk. Not really what I had in mind when I planned this. That being said, it's a start. So that's where I'm still reaching for the side of the playpen.

I'm finding my own way to retrain myself. I'm finding my own way to reduce the number of cigarettes I smoke. I'm finding my own way to change the kinds of food I eat. I guess I need to remember the first part of this posting. I need to start this journey with baby steps.

Here we go!

I've made a major life decision. It's been in the works for a while now, but today I finally made the decision to put the plan into action.  I'm changing my life, and the lives of my children and husband.

I've prayed over it.  I've asked God for guidance. I've asked God to light my way, and to help me with the decision. He has been giving me the strength I've needed to come to this conclusion. He has given me the courage to make some necessary changes in our lives. He has given me the love and encouragement that I have been needing. Turns out He has been giving me that for a long time now, I have just chosen not to listen. Well, I'm listening now.

This is not going to be easy. It's going to be physically and emotionally hard on everyone involved. My family will probably hate me soon. The changes I'm making though, will help us all - so that I will be around longer for them to begin to love me again. I just hope that can happen soon.

So by now you're probably wondering what changes. As my Blog title states, the changes will create a new me. I hope you all will read my blog, and join me in "The Journey to a New Me". I will need a lot of support from my friends and family. I will keep you in suspense no more. Here are the changes I'm talking about:
     1. I am going to STOP smoking. I am not going to quit, I'm only going to stop. Maybe soon I will be ready to take the plunge into quitting, but for now I'm only stopping. It may be a temporary "stop" but that is the plan for now.
     2. I am going to change the way I eat. I plan to eat a more healthy, well balanced diet. If I lose weight in the process, BONUS!
     3. I am going to begin an exercise program. The only way to rebuild and repair the damage I've caused by smoking and eating horribly for most of my life.

None of these will be immediate changes. Over time they will happen. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

So there you have it. I can't promise that my posts will always be fun to read. Sometimes you may laugh, other times you may roll your eyes and wonder why you took the time to read it. I just hope that you will continue to read about my journey and offer encouragement, support and love. Maybe even some advise if you run across something that you can relate to. We could also use some prayer along with this. Not only for me, but for my family. Prayers that we all make it through these changes with what's left of our sanity still intact. :)

So, here we go...welcome to The Journey to a New Me!!